日子越来越难过了，很多东西都开始身不由己。虽说活在群体社会里，要凡是为大家而着想，但我看到的是自私自利。受苦的就是那些还傻傻循规依据的人。
虽然我并没有资格去讲，可能我也是自私的一群，但我真的很想看到改变，有些事情越去理会，越弄巧成拙，受害的往往是还没看透一切的人。
其实，纠纷的发生就是因为那自私的一群，也不要说因为别人自私而需要把自己变得自私点。不管别人怎样，最重要是做好自己的本分，对得起自己也对得起别人。虽然是吃亏了点，但起码还能问心无愧，状况发生了，我们还能堂堂正正的发言，不怕别人无证据的反驳。虽然先自私的人是不对，但那些后来变得自私的人又可以说是对吗？他们只会一味扩大那些先自私的人，过后就把它们来作为自己后自私的借口，五十步笑百步。当引起不和时，他们就会把先自私的人来‘垫底’，当然可以抱着自己的利益，但却害了不少的人。
一个人，假如在对自己不利的情况下还能坚持放下自己的私心，虽然可能对自己现在或将来是有吃亏，但我觉得在别人的眼中，他是被尊重的。
很矛盾的，我确实是没有做到这点，但我自问我又尝试去改，只是情况真的让我很为难，所以被我间接伤害过的朋友，我真的很抱歉！希望我们还能真心的和平相处，而不是面具待人。
Friday, August 7, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
一片烂的性情写照
星期六的晚上，很多人都不在这里，有些回家了，有些去游玩了。我一人呆在bbg，坐在最角落的地方，在这儿陪伴我的只有laptop，notes，和听不厌的英文歌。冷清的bbg,只有寥寥无几的juniors在各自忙各自的，相比平时多人吵杂的情形，现在清静简单得多了，感觉很不一样。越来越喜欢孤单的我，并不是换上忧郁症，只是有点厌倦群体生活里的应酬，想换个比较简单的环境来平衡自己的心理，重整自己的思绪。
在新的一个SEM里，不能否认自己的责任已增加，喜欢的，不喜欢的，或是被逼的，已不能由我自己去选择，要活在群体中，便要凡事为群体而着想，为群体的利益作为中心，没有所谓的自私和我行我素。对于新的juniors,从认识到引导，都有着新的体验。整体上，second year 的生活是另外一个新的挑战。状况会频频发生，不懂到时自己还应付得到吗？就当作是一个考验，一个对自己将来的训练。
跟朋友冷战了，心情低落了，也不懂是否值得。可能只有单方面的不开心，别人或许根本就不在乎。对于‘朋友’的价值观，见仁见智，也没有一定的评估，所以就算把朋友的位置放在最后一位，是没错的，但也别怪一厢情愿注重‘友情’的那位傻瓜，他也是无辜的。只是性格思想上的把戏，不合就没瘾了。友情是会死的，它的寿命是看两方面的造化，孤掌难鸣，无论多么的努力，换回来的只有被耍的滋味。哈，好烂得形容！朋友之间，最基本的信用都没了，挽救有用吗？算吧，别逞强了，结果是不会改变的，就由他，最起码还能保留自己的尊严和潇洒。当时间冲淡了一切后，最后剩下的，应该只有遗忘了。
暂时还没遇到有让自己心动的人，不如就趁这个机会，多专注于功课和project，别让自己违背了誓言后，又为过失而闷闷不乐了。老土的说法，佳人有约，就此搁笔！
还蛮喜欢这张照片的。。
在新的一个SEM里，不能否认自己的责任已增加，喜欢的，不喜欢的，或是被逼的，已不能由我自己去选择，要活在群体中，便要凡事为群体而着想，为群体的利益作为中心，没有所谓的自私和我行我素。对于新的juniors,从认识到引导，都有着新的体验。整体上，second year 的生活是另外一个新的挑战。状况会频频发生，不懂到时自己还应付得到吗？就当作是一个考验，一个对自己将来的训练。
跟朋友冷战了，心情低落了，也不懂是否值得。可能只有单方面的不开心，别人或许根本就不在乎。对于‘朋友’的价值观，见仁见智，也没有一定的评估，所以就算把朋友的位置放在最后一位，是没错的，但也别怪一厢情愿注重‘友情’的那位傻瓜，他也是无辜的。只是性格思想上的把戏，不合就没瘾了。友情是会死的，它的寿命是看两方面的造化，孤掌难鸣，无论多么的努力，换回来的只有被耍的滋味。哈，好烂得形容！朋友之间，最基本的信用都没了，挽救有用吗？算吧，别逞强了，结果是不会改变的，就由他，最起码还能保留自己的尊严和潇洒。当时间冲淡了一切后，最后剩下的，应该只有遗忘了。
暂时还没遇到有让自己心动的人，不如就趁这个机会，多专注于功课和project，别让自己违背了誓言后，又为过失而闷闷不乐了。老土的说法，佳人有约，就此搁笔！
还蛮喜欢这张照片的。。
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Memories Rewind
It is already a week I am home for my holiday...All these days I seem like very useless, everyday watch series or listen songs, or else will hang out with friends, money wasting! Now I am really bankrupt! Don't really have enough money to indulge anymore, but somehow I don't know what else actually I can do for these 2 weeks instead of indulging...something meaningful to do? People say there usually is, just depend on if I want to dig them out...At home, no internet connection, no newspapers, all I have is just a multifunction laptop...It helps me a lot, in the sense of filling my free time...Studying for next sem? Not my style, I even don't know my result yet! What a troublesome finance system handled by UM...or maybe I was oblivious with the things happened within my course? Perhaps, I am not closed with my course mates. This is the thing I really need to improve. Let see what else can do at home, helping to do housework? Learn some cooking skills? If you are me, will you do this?? Haha, a "lazy" explain all unwillingness. I think what most people do in holiday is just almost similar with me...unless for those who are working. Unfortunately I can't work due to time constraint, my holiday is less than 1 month. Working with Papa isn't a good idea for me too, I'm totally not interested in rough works and what he does, some more he would not let me to do anything that really helpful, just simple "servant jobs" that what I call. Maybe I am too selective? Just deeply think that kind of job would not be suitable with my age, status, and capability.
Maybe I am 'void', so lots of my first year memory haunts my mind, vividly. Friends, projects, activities...
Let's talk about what projects I have joined.
GACC 13: Erm...It is a really good projects and a good opportunity to learn and gain experience. I could see how did seniors enjoy the process, and through GACC, they have a very strong bond between each other, but it is not for me...How reluctant it is, I won't give up doing my part cause I don't want to be the irresponsible one. I really enjoy in learning in GACC, but not the policy that being done...We had controversy and unsatisfactory, it was a hard time indeed. It was a miracle that we are able to run this international program with the shortage of time and man power. Really pity for those who have multi tasks, but they did great! After a long run, a taste of satisfaction and happiness are no longer practical for me, just a taste of relief that I could feel. For those who attended the post molten, I need to say sorry, and say thanks to those who support me...That time I was arrogant, but I was telling my true view...Thanks to my director chin yee, she is my tender 'mom'...
CNY coor: I really enjoyed the preparation, getting known with other coors, making jokes together. I feel relaxed maybe because it is informal one, and we don't have much limitation. That night, everything was running smoothly but the games that I created, stupid! I didn’t expect people would not be sporting. It made the coors around became stupid too...sad! But situation was still under control, luckily got ah Goh assist me, thanks again!
Feseni: Another activity that I was being irresponsible. I enjoyed in the beginning but getting bored with the frequent practices afterwards. Maybe it was not frequent, but most of the time of practice will clash with my plan which have been planned earlier, like my first clubbing, celebrating people birthday, all I needed to skip because of practice. I skipped class too because of my fatigue body in the next day of the practice day. And also the hairstyle, we are students, not artists, we didn’t have to sacrifice our images just for the sake of 3 minutes dance. Did I dance for my life? Professional dancer? It didn’t make sense that we didn’t have the right to reject...But somehow, I just couldn't say 'no'. People said I sacrifice for art, no, i sacrifice for my responsibility. I was angry. But when the stylist was about to shave my hair, I found there's nothing to be angry about, just being happy to face it and I did it. I enjoyed the period being botak...haha! And I need to say sorry to zee way, cause sometime I was quite 'bird', but she is the patient one.
Performances: Dancing in senior-freshies night, mitb...paiseh, the lame dance I created one, and I watched back the video, it was really lame! I didn’t blame any dancers, but the dance steps that I taught, is really lame! Sometimes I was quite mad in teaching, and sometimes I will laugh at those funny mistakes that people made, especially Cherry, now I am still laughing, haha, sorry ya! And I sang in GACC closing ceremony and matb 2. For GACC one, I just felt that there was not enough performances, so I decided to duet which is the easiest solution. Thanks for may fong be my partner, your voice is sweet, but sorry cause the great impact on us after the duet. Rumors!! Unbearable, from GACC till the whole college, never end! Come on la, don't spoil may fong market, I don't want to be blamed. And the matb2 one, nice appearance, sucks in singing. At first, there were 3 people sing with me, but at last left me alone, it needed a great courage to be solo, I just wanted to reject, but somehow, responsibility made me changed my mind. Hopefully it wasn't a washout!
MMK: It was a project I truly like. Although I wasn't a member, but I wished my little support have given a little help on your project...The closing was impressive! Good Job.
How about my friends then? Zen, Ken and Wern Yet, thank you all are my 2nd sem roommates. I know I am meticulous in cleanliness and neat but you all are really nice to bear with me! I won’t forget we used to have good time together, ordering mcdi, chit-chatting and play together if there was any, and sorry if I have done something wrong to you all ...Again, thanks for the wallet, it is nice! Joe, Suresh, Bear, May Fong and Cherry, you all looks like the children of Samantha, but don’t absorb her essence la...Cause will be very scary de...haha! Thanks for accompanying so much and I enjoyed those outings! Again, don’t laugh my English pronunciation o...And I have nothing to do with May Fong, don’t spoil her market la...My GACC mates, really enjoy working with you all, you all are very nice! Scold me if I am being irresponsible! I know it will be a very difficult process, but I really looking for the time when 11 of us sitting in the round table and having dinner together in the closing ceremony...and cheer for success. Gambateh...My course mates, unless Suresh, I think I am not that closed with others, but I really hope to improve that. Thanks for those who have helped me a lot in my studies, borrowing me homework, and informing me course information! They are helpful, arigato! And special for Shawn and Shok Kim, thanks for borrowing me printer and help me a lot in studies...
I really enjoyed my first year, I will always miss it...Especially Genting trip and Pangkor trip, so glad that I never felt outcast in both of this trip, I was totally relaxing and enjoying to the utmost, there were not any disappointment and I didn’t have any burden...Thanks for the coor and those who was being with me all the way...2nd year, I think I won’t have much time to enjoy and try something new anymore, I have two important tasks that I need to put them as priorities now – Studies and GACC 14...I regretted that I didn’t put my full concentration in studies and lead me to the worst result, I swear I won’t do the same mistakes in the upcoming sem...I can’t afford to lose my pointer again because of the temptations and activities...
I have gone too much, and there is no doubt that I have experienced the joy and grief, I will learn from the pass and make me fully prepared for the upcoming 2nd year. Who’d have known, when you flash up on my mind, I will not feel alone. Miss you, my first year!
Maybe I am 'void', so lots of my first year memory haunts my mind, vividly. Friends, projects, activities...
Let's talk about what projects I have joined.
GACC 13: Erm...It is a really good projects and a good opportunity to learn and gain experience. I could see how did seniors enjoy the process, and through GACC, they have a very strong bond between each other, but it is not for me...How reluctant it is, I won't give up doing my part cause I don't want to be the irresponsible one. I really enjoy in learning in GACC, but not the policy that being done...We had controversy and unsatisfactory, it was a hard time indeed. It was a miracle that we are able to run this international program with the shortage of time and man power. Really pity for those who have multi tasks, but they did great! After a long run, a taste of satisfaction and happiness are no longer practical for me, just a taste of relief that I could feel. For those who attended the post molten, I need to say sorry, and say thanks to those who support me...That time I was arrogant, but I was telling my true view...Thanks to my director chin yee, she is my tender 'mom'...
CNY coor: I really enjoyed the preparation, getting known with other coors, making jokes together. I feel relaxed maybe because it is informal one, and we don't have much limitation. That night, everything was running smoothly but the games that I created, stupid! I didn’t expect people would not be sporting. It made the coors around became stupid too...sad! But situation was still under control, luckily got ah Goh assist me, thanks again!
Feseni: Another activity that I was being irresponsible. I enjoyed in the beginning but getting bored with the frequent practices afterwards. Maybe it was not frequent, but most of the time of practice will clash with my plan which have been planned earlier, like my first clubbing, celebrating people birthday, all I needed to skip because of practice. I skipped class too because of my fatigue body in the next day of the practice day. And also the hairstyle, we are students, not artists, we didn’t have to sacrifice our images just for the sake of 3 minutes dance. Did I dance for my life? Professional dancer? It didn’t make sense that we didn’t have the right to reject...But somehow, I just couldn't say 'no'. People said I sacrifice for art, no, i sacrifice for my responsibility. I was angry. But when the stylist was about to shave my hair, I found there's nothing to be angry about, just being happy to face it and I did it. I enjoyed the period being botak...haha! And I need to say sorry to zee way, cause sometime I was quite 'bird', but she is the patient one.
Performances: Dancing in senior-freshies night, mitb...paiseh, the lame dance I created one, and I watched back the video, it was really lame! I didn’t blame any dancers, but the dance steps that I taught, is really lame! Sometimes I was quite mad in teaching, and sometimes I will laugh at those funny mistakes that people made, especially Cherry, now I am still laughing, haha, sorry ya! And I sang in GACC closing ceremony and matb 2. For GACC one, I just felt that there was not enough performances, so I decided to duet which is the easiest solution. Thanks for may fong be my partner, your voice is sweet, but sorry cause the great impact on us after the duet. Rumors!! Unbearable, from GACC till the whole college, never end! Come on la, don't spoil may fong market, I don't want to be blamed. And the matb2 one, nice appearance, sucks in singing. At first, there were 3 people sing with me, but at last left me alone, it needed a great courage to be solo, I just wanted to reject, but somehow, responsibility made me changed my mind. Hopefully it wasn't a washout!
MMK: It was a project I truly like. Although I wasn't a member, but I wished my little support have given a little help on your project...The closing was impressive! Good Job.
How about my friends then? Zen, Ken and Wern Yet, thank you all are my 2nd sem roommates. I know I am meticulous in cleanliness and neat but you all are really nice to bear with me! I won’t forget we used to have good time together, ordering mcdi, chit-chatting and play together if there was any, and sorry if I have done something wrong to you all ...Again, thanks for the wallet, it is nice! Joe, Suresh, Bear, May Fong and Cherry, you all looks like the children of Samantha, but don’t absorb her essence la...Cause will be very scary de...haha! Thanks for accompanying so much and I enjoyed those outings! Again, don’t laugh my English pronunciation o...And I have nothing to do with May Fong, don’t spoil her market la...My GACC mates, really enjoy working with you all, you all are very nice! Scold me if I am being irresponsible! I know it will be a very difficult process, but I really looking for the time when 11 of us sitting in the round table and having dinner together in the closing ceremony...and cheer for success. Gambateh...My course mates, unless Suresh, I think I am not that closed with others, but I really hope to improve that. Thanks for those who have helped me a lot in my studies, borrowing me homework, and informing me course information! They are helpful, arigato! And special for Shawn and Shok Kim, thanks for borrowing me printer and help me a lot in studies...
I really enjoyed my first year, I will always miss it...Especially Genting trip and Pangkor trip, so glad that I never felt outcast in both of this trip, I was totally relaxing and enjoying to the utmost, there were not any disappointment and I didn’t have any burden...Thanks for the coor and those who was being with me all the way...2nd year, I think I won’t have much time to enjoy and try something new anymore, I have two important tasks that I need to put them as priorities now – Studies and GACC 14...I regretted that I didn’t put my full concentration in studies and lead me to the worst result, I swear I won’t do the same mistakes in the upcoming sem...I can’t afford to lose my pointer again because of the temptations and activities...
I have gone too much, and there is no doubt that I have experienced the joy and grief, I will learn from the pass and make me fully prepared for the upcoming 2nd year. Who’d have known, when you flash up on my mind, I will not feel alone. Miss you, my first year!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
闷上心来了
好久没写部落各了，趁今天心血来潮， 就写写吧！Stayback已有一个星期了，我就郁闷了一个星期。不是说没东西做，要做的是都很无趣，没东西做的时候更乏味！最开心的时候便是在宿舍里干活的时候，因为那里的internet特别强！看youtube更是不用等的，所以一面做proposal一面上网，很过瘾!最期待就是晚餐，每人都会轮流负责，没想到GACC的MT都蛮会煮菜的，美中不足的是不能多吃，因为大家都在省！其余在租屋里的时间便是一个字，‘闷’！不稳的wifi，炎热的天气使我一天要冲几次凉，没有私人空间，狭窄的房间使我透不过气！还有在这边很多陌生的脸孔，但还好有朋友陪着，不时作作笑，但仍然比较想回家去与家乡的朋友聚会，或上槟城与kmph的老友会面，总比这边好吧！咳，这样多complaint干什么？有的住都偷笑了!我就是这样了，时常都会不满这个，不满那个的，就如美贤所说的。哈哈，人是有要求嘛。。
GACC14的期望？没什么啦，只希望他顺利进行，希望每个MT都合作愉快，有这样能干的director，一定行！但我们这届更是波折连连，下个SEM的juniors会减少，真的要辛苦大家了！通过GACC，我想能巩固GACCMT之间的友情，但我更想与GACC以外的朋友维持感情。Joe和美凤这个星期四会在UM，那个傻cherry迫不及待要跟他们出街，真的好玩。但我也很想跟他们会会面，每天对着一样的人，会很闷咧！GACC，我还是暂时不能喜欢你啦，但我会很努力的尝试！只觉得你剥削了我的时间，虽然是一个很好的学习机会，一个能与更多人交际的平台，但还不能接受那过分付出而收获微薄的不平均，而且整个project都有很多东西不能暴光，合理的话就说刺激，不合理的话便是无聊了。虽然说背后有一定的原因，但还是不明白为何有时要这样做作。其实有时觉得既然有这样多的东西不适合自己，为什么还要参与呢？都怪自己上次因怕自己还不能stay宿舍，所以就索性买个保险，但没想到代价如其大。其实是可以开开心心的度过的，只要你enjoy当中的过程，但我尚未办到，心里其实还想着另外一些琐事。冠雄说得对的，我不该过分活跃，要顾好自己的学业，但有时就往往败在自己的心软，为了朋友而牺牲自己，有时而因为自己的责任感，因为我觉得责任感很重要，不可以连累他人！就算自己怎样不喜欢，也要为别人着想，但我真的有办到吗？我自己也不懂。我真的很欣赏某些人，话不多但却很能干，自己做了许多但没半句怨言。而我呢？做少少东西，有这样多complaint。
哇，怎么越讲越自责了？哈，要乐观！其实我真的很想听听身边的朋友对我的意见，因为我觉得自己有好多好多东西是不能跟别人比，是我自卑呢？还是在别人眼中我的确是如此？有些欣赏我的人，我也会觉得他们欣赏错人了，好滑稽。自己对自己发誓要改的东西，可是到最后又打回原形，本性真的这样难移吗？试想想，除了玩，还有什么比较建设性的兴趣呢？要强逼自己去喜欢一些自己不喜欢的东西，还是顺其自然？时机一到，兴趣便自然来？兴趣来了，岁月被蹉跎了。之前所谓的期望，已被自己当初的不积极而粉碎，最终便让人失望透底。
有时觉得自己什么都没了，但其实是自己没有去珍惜曾拥有的东西，或者是维持。就像驾驶着一辆高级跑车，只往终点拼命驶去，但却不曾看下倒后镜，自己到底已撞死了多少人，多少尝试叫我缓慢下来的人。终点还没到，自己已伤痕累累，没力了。
好想念自己当初天真的时候，现在思想都改变了，可以说是成熟吗？自己对自己的要求，是否过分的多？要学会知足了，不要总是羡慕身边的人，每人各有所长，没有人是完美的。要学会珍惜和喜欢自己拥有的东西，不可能拥有的，就由他吧！
GACC14的期望？没什么啦，只希望他顺利进行，希望每个MT都合作愉快，有这样能干的director，一定行！但我们这届更是波折连连，下个SEM的juniors会减少，真的要辛苦大家了！通过GACC，我想能巩固GACCMT之间的友情，但我更想与GACC以外的朋友维持感情。Joe和美凤这个星期四会在UM，那个傻cherry迫不及待要跟他们出街，真的好玩。但我也很想跟他们会会面，每天对着一样的人，会很闷咧！GACC，我还是暂时不能喜欢你啦，但我会很努力的尝试！只觉得你剥削了我的时间，虽然是一个很好的学习机会，一个能与更多人交际的平台，但还不能接受那过分付出而收获微薄的不平均，而且整个project都有很多东西不能暴光，合理的话就说刺激，不合理的话便是无聊了。虽然说背后有一定的原因，但还是不明白为何有时要这样做作。其实有时觉得既然有这样多的东西不适合自己，为什么还要参与呢？都怪自己上次因怕自己还不能stay宿舍，所以就索性买个保险，但没想到代价如其大。其实是可以开开心心的度过的，只要你enjoy当中的过程，但我尚未办到，心里其实还想着另外一些琐事。冠雄说得对的，我不该过分活跃，要顾好自己的学业，但有时就往往败在自己的心软，为了朋友而牺牲自己，有时而因为自己的责任感，因为我觉得责任感很重要，不可以连累他人！就算自己怎样不喜欢，也要为别人着想，但我真的有办到吗？我自己也不懂。我真的很欣赏某些人，话不多但却很能干，自己做了许多但没半句怨言。而我呢？做少少东西，有这样多complaint。
哇，怎么越讲越自责了？哈，要乐观！其实我真的很想听听身边的朋友对我的意见，因为我觉得自己有好多好多东西是不能跟别人比，是我自卑呢？还是在别人眼中我的确是如此？有些欣赏我的人，我也会觉得他们欣赏错人了，好滑稽。自己对自己发誓要改的东西，可是到最后又打回原形，本性真的这样难移吗？试想想，除了玩，还有什么比较建设性的兴趣呢？要强逼自己去喜欢一些自己不喜欢的东西，还是顺其自然？时机一到，兴趣便自然来？兴趣来了，岁月被蹉跎了。之前所谓的期望，已被自己当初的不积极而粉碎，最终便让人失望透底。
有时觉得自己什么都没了，但其实是自己没有去珍惜曾拥有的东西，或者是维持。就像驾驶着一辆高级跑车，只往终点拼命驶去，但却不曾看下倒后镜，自己到底已撞死了多少人，多少尝试叫我缓慢下来的人。终点还没到，自己已伤痕累累，没力了。
好想念自己当初天真的时候，现在思想都改变了，可以说是成熟吗？自己对自己的要求，是否过分的多？要学会知足了，不要总是羡慕身边的人，每人各有所长，没有人是完美的。要学会珍惜和喜欢自己拥有的东西，不可能拥有的，就由他吧！
Saturday, April 25, 2009
普通日记
今天一整天都在浪费时间，虽然说是有翻翻笔记，但是还是觉得不够。觉得时间过得很快，还有一科最不可能明白的课程--surveying在星期二就要考了，都不懂在短短的两天内如何把半年的课程啃完，而且还是盲目地啃，根本就不明白，相信其它系友都有同感。而且教授从来没有给练习我们，作答时一定很不熟手！在这样短的时间内把所有的东西背起来根本是不可能的，唯有碰下运气，选觉得有机会会出的东西来读，做pass year，只要及格就行了！
Friday, April 24, 2009
考试‘心得’ Part 2
今天终算考完第四张试卷，也有三天休息的时间。虽然今天考得比之前好一些，但也不表示可以拿好成绩，只愿能及格就行了。考了几张，也变得越来越麻木，也没什么性情靠下去，只愿这难过的时刻快天结束，过后就来一番的庆祝。很矛盾的，到底该值得庆祝吗？成绩又不见得满意，都是一句，知足就好了，这也是改变不了的事实。就当作是一个教训，还有禰补的机会，不要再犯同样的错就行了。
今天的那张试卷，简直是精神虐待，前半小时都不懂在做些什么，不懂是不是前一个考试给的阴影，使我在作答时变得极度慌张，很容易的题目也竟然忘记了，越做就越想放弃,整个脑海一片空白，整身都在发抖，快也接近崩溃的感觉，好可怕！但后来还好，冷静了起来，过后便越做越有信心了。好难忘的一次测验，希望出来的成绩不会烂！接下来还有更难的科目，但考完今天的科目后，整身都很疲倦，回到房便连续看了两部电影，蹉跎岁月！但并没有后悔，松懈一下紧绷的神经，整个人都会舒服多，但接下来的两天就真的要拼了，怎样才能把读书当作乐趣呢？我看没人能给我答案吧！哈哈！
今天的那张试卷，简直是精神虐待，前半小时都不懂在做些什么，不懂是不是前一个考试给的阴影，使我在作答时变得极度慌张，很容易的题目也竟然忘记了，越做就越想放弃,整个脑海一片空白，整身都在发抖，快也接近崩溃的感觉，好可怕！但后来还好，冷静了起来，过后便越做越有信心了。好难忘的一次测验，希望出来的成绩不会烂！接下来还有更难的科目，但考完今天的科目后，整身都很疲倦，回到房便连续看了两部电影，蹉跎岁月！但并没有后悔，松懈一下紧绷的神经，整个人都会舒服多，但接下来的两天就真的要拼了，怎样才能把读书当作乐趣呢？我看没人能给我答案吧！哈哈！
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
考试‘心得’
经过今天的考试，我不能不给自己压力了，为什么总是会那样不好运呢？冷静的思考了很多因素，全都是自己的错，败给了自己，对不起家人，但仍然不能在朋友面前发泄，这更会害人害己，所有的不满和苦闷都自己往内心而塞，找不到适合的倾诉对象，在角落自己沉思发呆，治标不治本！也不望有雪中送炭，只愿没有锦上添花。。三张试卷了，一张考得比一张更烂，难道真的能乐观面对？自问努力过了，但却不得不承认自己真的很逊！似乎没有转机，还有更艰难的在后头。所谓的‘往者不可谏，来者犹可追’，不懂自己的精力还有多少，还追不追得回，心累了，哭了..
Monday, March 16, 2009
An upset outing
Ok, well, let's continue writing my blog...To night i tend to spend my night at bbg because my room full of people, and they are busy studying for their test, it is not a good idea to disturb them, or i can say, occupying the space, making the atmosphere more suffocating. And I also need some privacy to write my blog.
Well, let's continue my previous story that i have my words to tell about why I was upset during my official birthday, especially the outing at the night. I was being promised too much and i put too much expectation on it, but finally lead to disappointment. Actually that day i was about to plan spending the day alone, like going mid-valley see things and had a nice meal. I tended to do so because I didn't want any promises from the others but they broke them eventually. It would upset me, especially for those I expected. But it has happened. ZEN said he wanted to accompany me, so as Joee and wern yet...I was happy because there were friends willingly to spend time with me for my birthday...In the evening, I received message from yoke ting, she said she is going to mid-valley also with her gang, and asked me whether wanna join them, of course I said yes! I started to expect the outing, I really thought they will hang out with me, together celebrated my birthday since i din't notice any cad-cam girls around at the night of celebration. But somehow, I was so upset in the end of story...
First thing is i was waiting for my roomates back, I have prepared nicely to set me ready for the outing, since I really need to do some surveys at mid-valley, so i didn't want any delay. And they have promised me to eat dinner at Kim Gary together. I waited until 6.30pm, my roomates came back, and they said they have eaten the du food...What the---! I thought we were going to have dinner together outside, why they ate first but never tell me? This is the first 'aeroplane'. Wern Yet, who I thought is going out with me, and also his gang, they were actually ready to go out after dinner, but they never suppose that I thought I was joinning them...This is the second aeroplane..Forget it, I still have ZEN, KEN and Joee, but when I was back to room after my dinner, ZEN was there, and he was washing his clothes! Didn't he ever think that I was rushing? And then joee, he was playing squash at 6th college!! And he forgot the outing! And we did call him lots of time, he never reply...I really felt sad and angry at that time, that was the third aeroplane...But I still wanted to control my temper...I couldn't get angry during my birthday...That time my mood was totally spoiled...somemore I need to wait my roommates to get ready, I was well-prepared and waiting there, but they still seems like pocrastinating...Haiz...ok, fine! That time I was about to cancel my outing, but somehow, I couldn't be selfish like that, I felt like they were not going out for me but I were the one who going out for them instead! I really had no mood, but I knew it was not so good that i burst out on the spot, I needed to control...I din't know the way to make me feel better, all I wanted was being alone, calming down my mind! Yes, it does work for me when I was dull...So I was being irresponsible that I seperated myself with ZEN and KEN, pity them! I knew it was stupid and shouldn't be done, but sorry, I really din't know how to face them when i was really moody...Perhaps it was a good chance for them to improve the 'roommateship', haha! I went through almost all the male shops to search for my desired 'matb 2' shirt, but all of them were damn expensive! I took some pictures on the center court since there were creative exhibition. Until my mind was calm, so I sms my roommates for movie, and i met them again at the top floor. But however, my mood was not fully recovered yet, although ZEN and KEN were trying to joke with me, but my mood was just like that! I was sorry and thanks for being nice to please me...I really appreciated it! Haiz...I knew I actually looking for something but just it couldn't be fulfill somehow. After the stupid 'chunli' movie, we took the taxi and back to UM and i never met the cad-cam gang in mid-valley.
I knew I was quite emotional sometimes, and when I was upset, everything seems like going wrong, and i would start blaming other people...And it's not a virtue that should be carried on, this is my weakness, I should change it...Although from my words, the one who did wrong sounds like other people, but I really shouldn't blame them, if I stand on their view, I would know there is nothing that I thought it should have been. So, I need to learn to be optimistic, if I show out my anger, it would bring trouble for my friend also...
Well, let's continue my previous story that i have my words to tell about why I was upset during my official birthday, especially the outing at the night. I was being promised too much and i put too much expectation on it, but finally lead to disappointment. Actually that day i was about to plan spending the day alone, like going mid-valley see things and had a nice meal. I tended to do so because I didn't want any promises from the others but they broke them eventually. It would upset me, especially for those I expected. But it has happened. ZEN said he wanted to accompany me, so as Joee and wern yet...I was happy because there were friends willingly to spend time with me for my birthday...In the evening, I received message from yoke ting, she said she is going to mid-valley also with her gang, and asked me whether wanna join them, of course I said yes! I started to expect the outing, I really thought they will hang out with me, together celebrated my birthday since i din't notice any cad-cam girls around at the night of celebration. But somehow, I was so upset in the end of story...
First thing is i was waiting for my roomates back, I have prepared nicely to set me ready for the outing, since I really need to do some surveys at mid-valley, so i didn't want any delay. And they have promised me to eat dinner at Kim Gary together. I waited until 6.30pm, my roomates came back, and they said they have eaten the du food...What the---! I thought we were going to have dinner together outside, why they ate first but never tell me? This is the first 'aeroplane'. Wern Yet, who I thought is going out with me, and also his gang, they were actually ready to go out after dinner, but they never suppose that I thought I was joinning them...This is the second aeroplane..Forget it, I still have ZEN, KEN and Joee, but when I was back to room after my dinner, ZEN was there, and he was washing his clothes! Didn't he ever think that I was rushing? And then joee, he was playing squash at 6th college!! And he forgot the outing! And we did call him lots of time, he never reply...I really felt sad and angry at that time, that was the third aeroplane...But I still wanted to control my temper...I couldn't get angry during my birthday...That time my mood was totally spoiled...somemore I need to wait my roommates to get ready, I was well-prepared and waiting there, but they still seems like pocrastinating...Haiz...ok, fine! That time I was about to cancel my outing, but somehow, I couldn't be selfish like that, I felt like they were not going out for me but I were the one who going out for them instead! I really had no mood, but I knew it was not so good that i burst out on the spot, I needed to control...I din't know the way to make me feel better, all I wanted was being alone, calming down my mind! Yes, it does work for me when I was dull...So I was being irresponsible that I seperated myself with ZEN and KEN, pity them! I knew it was stupid and shouldn't be done, but sorry, I really din't know how to face them when i was really moody...Perhaps it was a good chance for them to improve the 'roommateship', haha! I went through almost all the male shops to search for my desired 'matb 2' shirt, but all of them were damn expensive! I took some pictures on the center court since there were creative exhibition. Until my mind was calm, so I sms my roommates for movie, and i met them again at the top floor. But however, my mood was not fully recovered yet, although ZEN and KEN were trying to joke with me, but my mood was just like that! I was sorry and thanks for being nice to please me...I really appreciated it! Haiz...I knew I actually looking for something but just it couldn't be fulfill somehow. After the stupid 'chunli' movie, we took the taxi and back to UM and i never met the cad-cam gang in mid-valley.
I knew I was quite emotional sometimes, and when I was upset, everything seems like going wrong, and i would start blaming other people...And it's not a virtue that should be carried on, this is my weakness, I should change it...Although from my words, the one who did wrong sounds like other people, but I really shouldn't blame them, if I stand on their view, I would know there is nothing that I thought it should have been. So, I need to learn to be optimistic, if I show out my anger, it would bring trouble for my friend also...
My so-called birthday celebration
So long I din't update my blog, even my birthday, i also din't remark it that i think i shouldn't. Well, today is a good day when my Asb mid-term test is over and gladly, i managed to answer it well! :) Why suddenly feel like updating my blog? Because my roommate ZEN said he wrote his very first diary yesterday and he thinks he should proceed it since he is scared of loosing such good memories in UM...Well, he did inspire me that I need to proceed my blog! Yes, the mood comes and I'm gonna tell you what has happened in my birthday of 2009 and some of my own perceptions...
I think I will never forget the day of 3 March 2009. Starting from 11pm onwards, the things happened seriously never in my record of my life! It was gross! I was about to finish my dancing practise( I hate it), but during the practise, I noticed my friend Joee brought a cake to mamak, i guessed he is going to put it inside the refrigerator and prepared for my up-coming birthday...Haha, it was in my expectation, sure would celebrate at mamak! I always like to test my prediction and it is always justified...But not that day! I purposely delayed my dancing pratice and reached room with a tired body, KEN and ZEN are inside, ZEN was busy of something and i could see he took pales when he left...Erm...water fight huh? I pretended knowing nothing. As usual, i bathed and wore nicely, preparing for the so-called birthday party. I asked KEN about the missing of ZEN, and he told me lies, I considered them as nonsense la...Cause i guessed i know what was happenning. After that, I was brought to the lobby by Joee and KEN. Then, KEN started to blindfold me and i was panicked that i started to think otherwise. Surely a surprise, but what kind of surprise it would bring? Until I heard some familiar stench and freaky voices, I know what was going to happen! I would be tortured! I was not so sure how's it gonna to be, but I knew that time, i couldn't run away! The time has come, I was tied with the column in 'tengkayun' roughly, and the violence came. I was asked to choose a number of presents, 1-5. I knew what were they, water, ice, and so on...I randomly picked the numbers, and they started to give me a series of surprise, more suitable words, torments! They were insanely pouring the water on me, making me became a wet dummy. They putting ices inside my clothes and pants, making me became an ice man. They took off my belt and I was so shamed as there were girls watching out there! I wasn't so sure who they are since I was blindfolded. Next, a white man, they rub the toothpaste on my body, made my body shivering like hell! And perhaps they put the toothpaste inside my underwear as well! Huhu...hopefully the toothpaste was not expired...Whatelse? They threw water baloons on me, and also eggs, but i was so numb as that time cause my receptors were no longer working as there were too much sense happening simultaneosly...Lastly, they put the wax on my nipples. I was about to loosen my ties, and then i started to chase people for revenge, so unlucky, i fall down quite a few times until my silipar was broken, they were so expert in hiding, and i acted like a crazy people with upset appearance. Until Joee and ZEN dared to approach me and helped mr to rinse my body. I seized the chance to revenged on ZEN by pouring water on him. Haha..
It was definitely useless to rinse my body on the spots, and chai hoe suggested to go mamak to celebrate my birthday officially with my special look. What a 'nice' suggestion. Not to wasting too much time, i was excorted to the mamak. The weather is exceptionally cold! I was trembling all the time. Thanks for Mei Xian to help me switched off the fans. Then, my cake finally appeared, it was my second cake in my life! It was a choclate cake with bananas inside. 'Sorry, we all love you, Talung' was written on it with two big candles, indicating that i was already 20 years old. As a tradition of 2nd college, I sang 'trilanguage' birthday songs out loud for my own. It was no longer embarassing since my look is already shameful enough! After finished singing, May fong dedicated 'I believe I can fly' for me, although just the chorus part, yet it was touching. I insisted to wait ZEN and KEN before I made wish and blow the candle, during the time, my candles died out for a few times. I need to light them on with my shivering hand. Eventually they came and officially sang the birthday songs. Hence I made wish and blew the candles, the cake was served. Thanks for the people joinning the party and sorry for my extra-ordinary look.
I rushed back to my room and took a long bath(about half an hour), then i headed to mamak again to meet my friends again. Thanks for weijun coming! We chit-chatted and I was treated by ZEN for mamak. Thanks! Then we went back to room, they said they have a present ready for me. And they seems so secretive to hand me the present...I remembered I did signal them before what I desired to get, and I din't expect they will remember it! A wallet! I damn like the wallet until I'm not sampai hati to use it. Thanks them a lot! Love they all! We had a good time before the night ended.
The night was impressive for me until i couldn't fell asleep, I was still recalling the previous situation. During the whole process, it was really tough and shameful but somehow I was enjoyed it and I think I managed to coordinate myself with them, hopefully it did not disappoint the planner lo..Really I wanted to say thanks for those who risk their life to buy me a cake, intimately sharing their money for the wallet, but not for those who torture me so hard until it left some unbearable odour on my shirt! Haha, just kidding!
During 4th of march, which is my official birthday, i just could tell that i did not enjoy it so much. But I just would tell for my next blog....haha! Cause I don't want to spoil this page which I have written lots of happy things!
I think I will never forget the day of 3 March 2009. Starting from 11pm onwards, the things happened seriously never in my record of my life! It was gross! I was about to finish my dancing practise( I hate it), but during the practise, I noticed my friend Joee brought a cake to mamak, i guessed he is going to put it inside the refrigerator and prepared for my up-coming birthday...Haha, it was in my expectation, sure would celebrate at mamak! I always like to test my prediction and it is always justified...But not that day! I purposely delayed my dancing pratice and reached room with a tired body, KEN and ZEN are inside, ZEN was busy of something and i could see he took pales when he left...Erm...water fight huh? I pretended knowing nothing. As usual, i bathed and wore nicely, preparing for the so-called birthday party. I asked KEN about the missing of ZEN, and he told me lies, I considered them as nonsense la...Cause i guessed i know what was happenning. After that, I was brought to the lobby by Joee and KEN. Then, KEN started to blindfold me and i was panicked that i started to think otherwise. Surely a surprise, but what kind of surprise it would bring? Until I heard some familiar stench and freaky voices, I know what was going to happen! I would be tortured! I was not so sure how's it gonna to be, but I knew that time, i couldn't run away! The time has come, I was tied with the column in 'tengkayun' roughly, and the violence came. I was asked to choose a number of presents, 1-5. I knew what were they, water, ice, and so on...I randomly picked the numbers, and they started to give me a series of surprise, more suitable words, torments! They were insanely pouring the water on me, making me became a wet dummy. They putting ices inside my clothes and pants, making me became an ice man. They took off my belt and I was so shamed as there were girls watching out there! I wasn't so sure who they are since I was blindfolded. Next, a white man, they rub the toothpaste on my body, made my body shivering like hell! And perhaps they put the toothpaste inside my underwear as well! Huhu...hopefully the toothpaste was not expired...Whatelse? They threw water baloons on me, and also eggs, but i was so numb as that time cause my receptors were no longer working as there were too much sense happening simultaneosly...Lastly, they put the wax on my nipples. I was about to loosen my ties, and then i started to chase people for revenge, so unlucky, i fall down quite a few times until my silipar was broken, they were so expert in hiding, and i acted like a crazy people with upset appearance. Until Joee and ZEN dared to approach me and helped mr to rinse my body. I seized the chance to revenged on ZEN by pouring water on him. Haha..
It was definitely useless to rinse my body on the spots, and chai hoe suggested to go mamak to celebrate my birthday officially with my special look. What a 'nice' suggestion. Not to wasting too much time, i was excorted to the mamak. The weather is exceptionally cold! I was trembling all the time. Thanks for Mei Xian to help me switched off the fans. Then, my cake finally appeared, it was my second cake in my life! It was a choclate cake with bananas inside. 'Sorry, we all love you, Talung' was written on it with two big candles, indicating that i was already 20 years old. As a tradition of 2nd college, I sang 'trilanguage' birthday songs out loud for my own. It was no longer embarassing since my look is already shameful enough! After finished singing, May fong dedicated 'I believe I can fly' for me, although just the chorus part, yet it was touching. I insisted to wait ZEN and KEN before I made wish and blow the candle, during the time, my candles died out for a few times. I need to light them on with my shivering hand. Eventually they came and officially sang the birthday songs. Hence I made wish and blew the candles, the cake was served. Thanks for the people joinning the party and sorry for my extra-ordinary look.
I rushed back to my room and took a long bath(about half an hour), then i headed to mamak again to meet my friends again. Thanks for weijun coming! We chit-chatted and I was treated by ZEN for mamak. Thanks! Then we went back to room, they said they have a present ready for me. And they seems so secretive to hand me the present...I remembered I did signal them before what I desired to get, and I din't expect they will remember it! A wallet! I damn like the wallet until I'm not sampai hati to use it. Thanks them a lot! Love they all! We had a good time before the night ended.
The night was impressive for me until i couldn't fell asleep, I was still recalling the previous situation. During the whole process, it was really tough and shameful but somehow I was enjoyed it and I think I managed to coordinate myself with them, hopefully it did not disappoint the planner lo..Really I wanted to say thanks for those who risk their life to buy me a cake, intimately sharing their money for the wallet, but not for those who torture me so hard until it left some unbearable odour on my shirt! Haha, just kidding!
During 4th of march, which is my official birthday, i just could tell that i did not enjoy it so much. But I just would tell for my next blog....haha! Cause I don't want to spoil this page which I have written lots of happy things!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Was it a good valentine day?
Today was valentine day which fervent couples have been waiting for long, and also my roommate birthday...Haha, what a coincidence! Today we planned to go sing K at Low yat plaza which i was told by shi jay yesterday, and I expected this outing also since i usually have great passion in singing. But somehow, the outing did not please me so much and yet it wasn't terrible too..
I was going to date with people different course with me, i tended to play nice in order i would not get alienated. We faced some problems at the red box counter because of the sudden increment of our kaki but however it was manage to be settled. And the singing session started, it was funny that xiu ying and xiao yun keep disturbing me when i was singing, i was not annoyed, at least i knew there wasn't a big gap between us although we come from different course. The singing session was yet short and i had been running to and fro at the 2 rooms we booked. I did enjoy the time.
Afterwards, i decided to seperate myself from the team because i need some privacy to buy my things, it is always not good to let people wait. When i left, the rest were planning to go for movie, and i was not sure if i joined them or continue buying my things. I quickly followed xiu ying and xiao yun to buy my things at low yat first, but we seperated half way, and i speeded myself to time square to survey for bags, hopefully i could make it to join them for movie since it was my roommate birthday, i need to be 'participative'...but somehow, when i reached the ticket counter, the plan is cancelled for some reasons, maybe it was too late or what (although i don't really think so), but i knew ZEN want to watch 'Benjamin Button', so i tended to be supportive, i just want to insist and din't want any disappointment, but nevermind, i need to follow the team's decision, it was good also that xiu ying and xiao yun help me to shop for my bag, i managed to find one at converse shop, it wasn't cheap, yet i like it! Before we left, we had the chance to get 2 free ice-cream! Hehe...but i know my stomach can not consume two ice-cream at the same time, i gave it to shi jay..meanwhile, we found ourselve at monorail station and ready to leave..
When i was back to my room, i chit-chatted with my roommates for a while before i bath...Again, a lonely dinner...haiz...I tested my new ear phone while having a nap...then i called yu ling to wish her and i went mamak with my roommates and jo ee...Me and jo ee felt like not making the night a waste, hence we planned something afterwards actually, but however my mood is totally spoiled when both of my roommates have something else to do...it is frustrating but i have used to it...
It is 3am now, this is the first blog i write, although it is a slot for me to voice up my feeling and remark what i have done in days, but i know there are limitations for me also, something that i could not really mention in this slot since people will come across my blog, after all it is not good to let people know too much...hehe! Although it was a valentine day, but for those who are still single can also really make it enjoyable. For me, i did enjoy the day, but somehow i did not enjoy the night...
I was going to date with people different course with me, i tended to play nice in order i would not get alienated. We faced some problems at the red box counter because of the sudden increment of our kaki but however it was manage to be settled. And the singing session started, it was funny that xiu ying and xiao yun keep disturbing me when i was singing, i was not annoyed, at least i knew there wasn't a big gap between us although we come from different course. The singing session was yet short and i had been running to and fro at the 2 rooms we booked. I did enjoy the time.
Afterwards, i decided to seperate myself from the team because i need some privacy to buy my things, it is always not good to let people wait. When i left, the rest were planning to go for movie, and i was not sure if i joined them or continue buying my things. I quickly followed xiu ying and xiao yun to buy my things at low yat first, but we seperated half way, and i speeded myself to time square to survey for bags, hopefully i could make it to join them for movie since it was my roommate birthday, i need to be 'participative'...but somehow, when i reached the ticket counter, the plan is cancelled for some reasons, maybe it was too late or what (although i don't really think so), but i knew ZEN want to watch 'Benjamin Button', so i tended to be supportive, i just want to insist and din't want any disappointment, but nevermind, i need to follow the team's decision, it was good also that xiu ying and xiao yun help me to shop for my bag, i managed to find one at converse shop, it wasn't cheap, yet i like it! Before we left, we had the chance to get 2 free ice-cream! Hehe...but i know my stomach can not consume two ice-cream at the same time, i gave it to shi jay..meanwhile, we found ourselve at monorail station and ready to leave..
When i was back to my room, i chit-chatted with my roommates for a while before i bath...Again, a lonely dinner...haiz...I tested my new ear phone while having a nap...then i called yu ling to wish her and i went mamak with my roommates and jo ee...Me and jo ee felt like not making the night a waste, hence we planned something afterwards actually, but however my mood is totally spoiled when both of my roommates have something else to do...it is frustrating but i have used to it...
It is 3am now, this is the first blog i write, although it is a slot for me to voice up my feeling and remark what i have done in days, but i know there are limitations for me also, something that i could not really mention in this slot since people will come across my blog, after all it is not good to let people know too much...hehe! Although it was a valentine day, but for those who are still single can also really make it enjoyable. For me, i did enjoy the day, but somehow i did not enjoy the night...
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